The True Treasure of Life

Beyond the Surface

If I was asked to describe what friendship is to me, I’d probably go off on a tangent with some peculiarly long response stained with lessons from past trauma. However, simply put, it’s MORE than just brunch and dinner.

Friendship should surpass proximity. I shouldn’t have to be close by all the time for there to be substance between us. Friendship should have depth. Friendship is exploring shared interests and creating traditions. Friendship is cooking for each other because who doesn’t like being fed? Friendships should maintain intimate communication. I get that life is a hamster wheel that never stops, and we’re all occupied with responsibilities. How busy are you, though, that you can post on socials but not text back for days or even weeks on end? I don’t subscribe to the opinion that this makes someone a “bad” friend. Nevertheless, it is an unfavorable habit. Habits, if not addressed, become character, am I wrong?

I've added more details about what those crucial aspects are to me:

1. Repeated unplanned interactions 2. Safe setting to allow vulnerability 3. Being able to hold each other accountable with tenderness 4. Mutual encouragement and efforts. 5. Chats about the goodness of God in our lives.

My most recent revelation about friendship is that we need it more than we need romantic companionship. If you look at scripture (Luke 5:17–26), you’ll see how God blessed characters of the Bible merely because of their friend’s faith. We need people, and people need us.

This reminds me, I need to finish my latest read. I’ve been deep in “Made for Friendship” by Drew Hunter. Such a small but profound read. It’s been helping me realize the importance of friendship and how to better foster it. I’ve linked the book here.

My absolute favorite quote from that book is:

“A good friendship is like a submarine; holds few people but goes deep.”

Unlike a cruise ship that holds many and just stays above surface. How true! How true for us who know that less is better and a friend to all is really a friend to none. I’ve experienced both of those realities, and I wouldn’t trade my current tiny collection of friends for anything. I need deep; you could put my selfie beside that word in the Webster dictionary, quite frankly.

I went through a period where my three oldest friends were my only friends. I make mention of this because these beautiful humans live out of the country and out of the state, so I only get to see them annually. After I made a few life revisions, I had to start from scratch in my new city. Nonetheless, rebuilding my circle has been the most fun part of adulthood so far. It’s true, especially approaching it more intentionally and faith-focused.

I’ve met great people since, and I hope to keep these connections. I chalk it up to prayer just the same. I wouldn’t be able to courageously seek out new friends, and the right people wouldn’t have been put on my path had I not prayed hard during my brief isolation. Making new friends is not far from dating, actually. It is dating, just platonically with the same gender, if I may. Putting myself out there and being open was nothing but the work of God because I, Ashlee, in my fleshly nature, would never. Loner, introvert, solitude lover, anti-social—you name it, I claim it.

Conversely, I do value relationships and connections dearly. As an only child I’ve always held on firmly to close connections as if they were family ties. Hence why I tried to make sound choices with my new gal pals. Each serves a different emotional need, brings a different type of intelligence, and we’re like-minded in meaningful ways. Most of all, they are better than me in areas where I need improvement. So, I’m able to learn from them, and that’s what matters most to me in this season.

I’m still on the hunt for my Aaron or Hur, as described in Exodus Chapter 17. Maybe I’ve met them already, and maybe I haven’t yet. What I know for certain is that I’ve had so much anxiety and hurt living here for many years. This is the first time in my life I’ve felt content and at peace in this area of my life.

Shoutout to my Twinny for this piece.