Dear Mom

To my very best friend,

I don’t know where to begin other than saying, sorry. For the person I became at the age of twelve. Honestly, scratch that. Sorry for any single time in my life I’ve hurt you or made you cry without knowing it. I put myself in your position and I cannot fathom mothering my teen self. God forbid. It’s tough regulating emotions as a teenager, or young adult and an adult even. You’re the closest person to me and a constant in my life, so by proximity, you became my punching bag (figuratively). I’m sorry for that.

As I’m writing this, so many thoughts are plaguing my mind and as I reflect on that period in the past, I really was silently battling things and taking them out on you. All you wanted was for your only child to be safe and to make sound choices. That’s all any good parent wants. By no means am I justifying my terrible behavior and attitude. It’s just that, I’m realizing right this second, that my inner man was so corrupted over the years and your Godly spirit always triggered that. Simply put, the God in you always bothered the demons in me. I never hated you, I never hated you, I never hated you. You are THE most important human being in my world. I would crumble if I didn’t have you. I thank God every day for your life and who you’ve raised me up to be. I pattern you, sometimes subconsciously. I look up to you the most, I lean on you the most. God made no mistakes making us mother and daughter.

You’ve aways vocalized to not live my life based on your lack or your need but I do. No matter what, I consider you in every decision I make. How could I not? The sacrifices you’ve made over the course of my life and the prayers you’ve petitioned on my behalf, how could I not? I created this publication to voice the things I find not so easy to utter in a conversation or out loud. That being so, I love you more than words can encapsulate mother dearest.

Thank you for the greatest gift of all which is stewarding the word of God to me since birth and being the example of Kingdom minded.

Love,

Ash.

Proverbs 22:6

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¹This could’ve been a text. However, at the moment my mom is the only one who reads my letters, and she appreciates my writing on here. She thinks it’s the best thing ever lol so what better way to do this than here!

the joy she brings

I hope she always knows just how loved she really is and that her very existence is enough to brighten even the darkest of days.

-m.m. mcneely

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